A recent study of 600,000 Americans shows that we have a serious problem. We are suffering from acute potty mouth, check out this map for details. What was once the occasional slip of the tongue has become an epidemic of monstrous proportions. I’m not saying that the words should be eradicated from our language, I’m simply saying let’s save them for when it really counts.
Okay ladies we all have those gal pals the swear like a sailor, if you can’t think of that girlfriend,it’s probably you.
These are the women who when they tell a story mothers look over their shoulder to make sure that little Timmy isn’t in the room and the most modest of friends may blush. She’s the life of the party and her stories are always the best. That is if you can sift through the profanity projectile vomit to get to the core of the story. Allow me to illustrate my point.
Sally Swears-A-Lot: “You aren’t going to f@*#ing believe this Karen, seriously I s@^# you not, things got crazy last night. So Monica and I went to that new restaurant on 5th, the food sucked a@#, but the bartender was hot as h@**. Anyway so there we were drinking the h@$$ out of some chocotinis when you won’t believe who walked through the d@*$ door. Seriously guess? Oh f!*@ it you won’t guess. I s!*$ you not, Channing Tatum (<–click the link ladies you’ll be glad you did). I’m f*!@ing serious, Channing F!@#ing Tatum. I almost died Karen, I d!@* near died. Oh my gosh.”
My thoughts: I had no idea that Channing’s middle name was F*!@ing, his parent’s were so creative (insert raised eyebrow here). Second how does ones food suck anything? What does that mean exactly?
** Sally’s Story with some rewrites take 2**
Sally Sophisticated: “Monica and I tried out that new restaurant on 5th, the food left much to be desired, but the chocotinis were amazing. We were sitting at the bar enjoying our 3rd round of drinks when you’ll never believe who walked through the door. Oh Karen you’ll never guess so I’ll have to tell you, Channing Tatum (<– you’re welcome again). No joke, it was him six pack and all. Can you believe it?”
My thoughts: Drink at the restaurant on 5th, but eat ahead of time and Channing Tatum is hot. Short, sweet, and to the point. Profanity added no dramatic flair, it simply distracted from a fabulous story of a beautiful man.
As ladies we are beautiful majestic creatures, vibrant joy is created when we walk into a room. We spend hours lining this or plumping that. Such a great deal of consideration goes into what shoes and which dress. Men look at us in adoring wonder. We invest all of this energy into an elegant catwalk and then we talk, spewing out words that would make a veteran sailor blush. With that first “d@*$” our feminine wonder wears away revealing… another one of the guys. You want to be friendly, fun, charming, endearing… but I assure you ladies you don’t want to be one of the guys.
Now ladies, I’m not saying don’t ever swear. My suggestion is to keep expletives to a minimum. Save those tiny bombs of profanity for a situation that truly warrants it. If someone rear-ends you at a stoplight, a “s@#$” is more than appropriate. If you trip and dump a scalding hot cup of mint tea onto yourself, “d@*!” would be rather understandable. If you are telling a story about witnessing the Abs God’s gift to the world walking through the doors of a bar, you could probably pass on the expletives. Instead invest your energy in relaying in great detail every line that showed through his skin tight v-neck.
Keep it Sassy and Classy,