Almost 30 Life Crisis

And blog hiatus… End scene.

From my beautiful part of the world to yours, Happy New Year! I know I’m a little behind, but better late than never I always say. At least I say that whenever I forget something of importance. I promise I have a good reason for going awol. Maybe you can relate.

I can sheepishly admit that I am timidly knock knock knocking at 30s door. About this time next month I will be leaving the feisty world of my 20s and stepping into the unknown world of my 30s. To say I’m terrified and a bit sick to my stomach would be an extreme understatement. This “Almost 30 Life Crisis” caused me to spend the last couple of weeks looking, relooking, and looking yet again at my life.

Oh my gosh… Now what do I do?

Just me? It can’t just be me standing in front of a mirror with a major life milestone looming ahead with a look of sheer terror on her face. I’m not alone in this, how have I spent my last almost 30 years and what do I want to do with my next 30 year moment am I? Seriously someone say they are or have been in this position before or I might just cry into my coffee… Yes coffee at 1:15pm, that should tell you the kind of day I’m having. Coffee….coffee….coffee….

I remember thinking 30 was ancient, saying things like, “When I’m old, you know like 30, I’m going to blah blah blah.” I wish I had a time machine to go back to that clueless 15 year old and smack her upside the head. I can say that “young” little girl I once was has spent her time up to now living a scared life. I follow the straight and narrow, never venturing off the sidewalk, because I don’t want to risk getting hurt. I live a life surrounded by mile high walls that even prince charming himself couldn’t climb. These 29 years have been spent running around like Chicken Little…. The sky is falling… The sky is falling…run for your lives.

Upon reflection, I’m tired of the feathers, I’m ready to strut my stuff. It surprises me how easily I can admit that I’m clueless at 29. I could let that scare me, or I can grasp this opportunity to reinvent myself. Isn’t that what life is about, reinvention, making things new again? I don’t think age determines reinvention, reinvesting, or recommitting.

Reinvention: You, like me, are a work in progress… Never ever make apologies for that. If you still have a breath in your chest and thump in your heart, you can change. If you were blessed enough to wake up this morning, you have the strength inside you to make a new difference in your life and the lives of those around you. Don’t wait, look within your heart and find out what sets your soul on fire. Reinvent the old into something new and wondrous. You are never trapped, you have the freedom to be exactly who you create.

Reinvesting: Invest in yourself again. You are a hot commodity and you above everyone else needs to know that. Take time for you, even if only a few moments a day. Workout, meditate, paint, cook, write, dance, sing off key… I don’t care what you do, but do something each day for just yourself. If you love to take long showers, embrace the high water bill and become a mermaid. If you like to shake your groove thing in the kitchen download some new recipes. Whatever it is that you like to do, do it for YOU. If you aren’t investing in yourself, you won’t be able to invest in others.

Recommit: Commit to loving yourself and those around you to the fullest every single day. Each day, each second, is such a blessing. Love yourself for the amazing traits and for the works in progress. Forgive yourself of past mistakes and become excited for the moment you are living. Free yourself from OCD stressful planning, and leave a little bit open to the imagination. Love those around you with your entire heart and remember to forgive easily. Lashing out at people you car about only isolates those we love from one another. Embrace the unique differences we all have and treasure those moments. Laugh with each other, support one another, and again most importantly forgive one another. Together, don’t sweat the small stuff. Life has a funny way of working out when we stop trying to make it work out.

So, I guess… Welcome to my almost 30 life crises. It’s nice to have you along for the ride.

As always until next time,

Keep it Sassy & Classy,

B's Sig

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Say What You Need to Say

Hello gorgeous, always fabulous to see you. I had an “Ah Hah” moment over the weekend that I’m super excited (perhaps a little nervous) to share with you. This moment involved putting on my big girl panties, telling the scared little girl inside of me to be quiet for a second, and taking advice from an always wise ManFriend. This weekend I faced a fear over five years in the making.

Let’s get a little back story… Yeah!… Story time…

Over 5 years ago I went through some major life changes. In the matter of about a year life hauled off and sucker punched me right in the kisser. WHAM! I should have seen it coming, but I was too busy blinding myself to see it. It’s really hard to see a big fat knuckle sandwich when you choose to skip along with your eyes closed, fingers in your ears, and a loud “lalalala” coming from your lips. Truth is, that WHAMY, it wasn’t so much life…. It was me. I kicked my world into a spiral of bad decisions and youthful ignorance.

The first step to fixing a problem is first admitting you have a problem. You see, I didn’t acknowledge this fact until I was already flying head first down a slide soaped up with Mr. Bubbles. By the time I’d realized I was hurting myself and those around me… I was alone. I woke up one morning, picked up the phone, and realized I had no one to call. I had successfully isolated myself from everyone with my hurtful behavior and childish actions. To put it bluntly, my life sucked.

The worst of it was losing my best-friend of nearly 20 years. She’d stood by me through the loss of my father, too many bad decision to count, heartbreak, joy… All of it. She was the closest thing to family I had growing up, she and her family were amazing to me. Even she had had enough of me. The ugly person I’d chosen to act like forced to her utter the phrase, “B, my life is better off without you in it.” To say I was crushed, would be the understatement of the century.

A few months passed and I realized I was a total moron. I apologized, but it wasn’t enough. I had hurt people too badly. I vowed at that moment to never ever make those foolish selfish mistakes again. I’m proud to say that though I’m far from perfect, those mistakes, they aren’t even an option for me anymore. On and off through the last 5 years I’d tried to reach out to my former best-friend and received little to no response. Couldn’t blame her, I’d pushed everyone too far.

This past October I sent her a message on Facebook (oh the joys of social media) simply asking how to she was. No response. It hurt, but it wasn’t exactly unexpected. I pushed it out of my mind and focused my thoughts on positive energy. Over this past weekend we were at a museum out of town in a crowded elevator, my mind going a mile a second making sure everyone was accounted for, when a very familiar voice said… “Hello B.” I look up to see the face of that best-friend that I had missed so much for so long. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh, cry, or be angry. My insides were twisted and in an instant the exchange was over.

My mood changed. I was grouchy. I really needed time to be alone and reflect, but family time doesn’t always allow for space. When alone in the car with ManFriend I cried, actual head in my hand ugly face sobbed. ManFriend, drove in silence, smart to let me get it out and when I finally stopped crying he said. “B, this is your choice… But it seems to me that you love her and miss her. Tell her that.”

That’s probably the best piece of advice I’ve received in a long time. ManFriend and I talked for 2 days about me contacting her. Scared, doesn’t cover what I felt at the thought of getting rejected again. It’s hard, so hard, to put yourself out there to possibly get rejected. No one wants to get shot down or hurt…but you never know what will happen until you lay it all out on the line.

My former best-friend and I have since exchanged a few causal Facebook messages and have even become “friends” on Facebook. I’m thankful for even that small step. I’m not sure if we can ever be friends again, but with at least having the door to a friendship unlocked I feel like a little hole in my heart has been filled.

I want to encourage everyone to say what you need to say. Don’t be afraid to get hurt, because no matter the outcome you will learn something. You deserve all the happiness in the world, which you may miss out on if you are too much of a Chicken Little to go out there and get what you want. Do it today: send that email or write that letter. Pick up the phone and make a phone call that is long overdue. Go live your life without fear.

 

 

I’m sure glad that I took a chance…I bet you will be too.

 

As always, until next time….

 

Keep it Sassy & Classy,

B's Sig

If You’re Happy And You Know It

I would like everyone to raise their glasses, mugs, wine glasses, milk cartons, pints, whatever you have to SECOND CHANCES. I stand…. Er… sit before you a woman on a new found mission to make changes to help bring about B 2.0.

Let’s talk about our ATTITUDE people, what type of person are you?

The ho hum thanks for noticing me and the giant black cumulonimbus cloud floating above my head pelting me in the eye with hail and rain.  A.K.A “The Debbie Downer”

OR

The it’s my way or no way, here is the plan, this is how we are going to do things, listen to me… yeah you listen to me. HEY HEY I’m in charge here. Control, control, control AHHHHHH! (Inset hair pulling out here.) A.K.A “The Control Freak”

OR

The Hi my name is…. Oh butterfly… that’s shinny…..I like chocolate….. dinner was yummy….BUNNY bouncy bouncy bouncy…. wait, what was I talking about? A.K.A “The Space Cadet”

OR Last But Not least …. Drum roll please

The what a beautiful sunshiny day, there isn’t a care in the world and everything is going my way. Whatever comes will come and I will continue to roll with the punches. Life is good, sunshine!  A.K.A “The Smiley”

So… which one or ones are you. Me? I’m The Control Freak with a sprinkling of The Debbie Downer and a dash of The Smiley…. Translation…. Not exactly the type of gal I want to be. SO, it’s time for a wee bit of reinventing.

Attitude truly does make all the difference in the world and I am living that right now. I’ve had a bit of a tude / control issue over the past few months and it’s getting me nowhere fast. So I started doing some soul searching, pulling way down deep into my toes. Then it hit me. It doesn’t matter if we are talking about a workout, dating, marriage, dealing with the kiddos, baking a cake or walking Fluffy, your attitude is such a vital determining factor. It is in fact what people remember about you…..think about that for a second.  How does your attitude impact those around you and the things you do?

If you wake up in the morning grouching, grump your entire way to the gym, kick the treadmill because IT made you trip over your own running shoes, snap at the customer service rep leaving the gym who wished you a good day, flipped off the old lady who was driving to slow in the fast lane AND yelled at your Boyfriend for breathing in the same room as you ALL before 8 am… what sort of day are you going to have? What sort of day are you encouraging other people to have?

First of all, you woke up. That is a fantastic start to any morning, I’ve never not woken up in the morning, but I would assume that would be a pretty big drag. So paint on your smile if you have to and get your bootie out in the world all happy like!

Second the gym is a chance to embrace the body you want and reach the goals you’ve set, this is time to fill your head with motivation. There isn’t room for Negative Nancy Talk here. Either pump yourself up with music and words OR recite every digit of pi (3.1415926535), NO MATTER WHAT do not allow yourself to be invaded by negativity. Aint nobody got time fo that….

Third, you tripped over your own feet klutz, you don’t have a broken leg so laugh it off and move on. Do you really think you are the ONLY person to trip on a treadmill? Um no! You’re probably also the only person who noticed. This is not a crisis; don’t allow little things to become the giant elephant in the room. It’s the ole mountain out of a mole hill adage.

Forth don’t allow your words or attitude to bring down anyone else, that poor customer service person didn’t deserve a verbal back hand. Smile be happy and leave a trail of smiles in your wake. How do you want people to remember you? The jerk or the fantastic fabulous awesome person…. It’s your choice.

Same goes for fifth, remember to respect your elders even if they are driving27 mph in the fast lane. Someone that age use to bake you sugar cookies and spoil you rotten, so let the 27 mph thing go. Would you want someone giving the bird to your grandma? Does flipping off that poor woman really “fix” anything? Nope, just makes you look like a creep. Don’t be that gal.

Sixth, last but not least, leave your poor boyfriend alone. Don’t allow him to be part of your war path; don’t ever have a war path. Remember that he chooses to be with you because he loves you, he didn’t sign up to be your doormat. So love him, praise him and show him you love him. If you don’t, I’m sure there are plenty of other ladies out there who would. Now that’s not to sound all cat fight girl on y’all, it’s a simple fact. If you don’t treat people well, they won’t want to be around you.

You are in the ultimate control of your attitude and the way you treat people. Be aware of your words and your body language. The last thing anyone wants to do is push away those they care about or make them feel like itty bitty mice. LEAVE SMILES IN YOUR WAKE, be a light that draws people in. I know for me, when I can make someone smile it makes me feel good as well. It makes me happy… speaking of happy…

Welcome to The Happypaloosa Project… I’m making the commitment to myself to live a more upbeat, encouraging, laid back and exciting life….free of excess worry and constricting over-thinking. Today I choose to take the steps to breathe fresh invigorating happiness into my life.

As always, until next time,

Keep it Sassy & Classy,

B's Sig

Little Miss Excuseopotamus

Darn you little miss Excuseopotamus…

The Excuseopotamus is an elusive creature that scurries around our lives without detection. It is wrapped in a disguise of reasons and explanations, but when you strip away the hogwash you’re left with a monster beast of epic proportions. You see this tiny creature is actually a gargantuan, an ogre, a run as fast as you can to escape from it sort of thing. Don’t let the Excuseopotamus confuse you, it’s not your cuddly warm fuzzy friend, it’s an evil foe to be slayed like a fire breathing dragon.

My Excuseopotamus has got the best of me this year, that sneaky little she-devil. I was going to start “running” this year, I swear I was, (raises right hand) truly I had every intention of enjoying the fresh air and “running”. I really really was going to “run”, but…. it was too hot, cold, windy, sunny, rainy, earthy, sinusy… EXCUSEOPOTAMUS.   Truth be told I chose to sit on my but and drink wine instead of “running”. What happened, I Excuseopotamused myself. It’s okay, I’ve figured out how this creature works.
This year I was going to focus on my writing. I really truly honestly for sure was. Then I became a sensitive artist and talked myself right out of writing. I can’t do it, I just can’t, sniffle, poor me. How can I ever compete with all of these other amazing authors. I suck, whine, whine… ooh wine, I love wine. I should drink wine instead of write. EXCUSEOPOTAMUS ATTACK…. run! Truth be told I made the choice to not write and spend hours watching Netflix. Yup poor me and 6 seasons of Gossip Girl.
It’s a Thursday like any other Thursday except for one tiny fact. Today is the day that I package up my Excuseopotamus and ship it to the Arctic Circle. I send it with a one way ticket, holes punched in the box of course, and a pledge forget what that pesky little thing ever looked like. Today, rain is something to dance in, not something to hide from.
I want to encourage you to tell your Excuseopotamus to move on and ship it. You have an amazing life to live without the weight of a 1 million billion trillion ton beast. Honestly who wants to stand on a scale and see any extra weight. Free yourself and do your thing girl.
As always, until next time….
Keep it Sassy & Classy,
B's Sig

Movie Reflection

movie time copy

 

Why hello there, thanks for stopping by, random impromptu blogging here. It could get interesting… let’s see how this goes.

Last night, after much kicking and screaming, ManFriend agreed to watch…..

Best Man Holiday

I know right, how I talked him into it is nothing short of a Christmas miracle. So we settle into the opening credits, which only resulted in a half dozen ManFriend under his breath comments. Yet another small victory. About a half hour into the movie ManFriend leans over and this conversation happens:

ManFriend “Oh I get it, you wanted to see this movie because it’s about a writer.”

B “Why would that make me want to see this movie?”

ManFriend “Because you’re a writer, duh.” (yes there was actually a duh)

B “I’m not a writer.”

ManFriend “Oh you aren’t huh, then what are you? Because when I look at you I see a writer.”

You see up until about a year ago I knew exactly what I wanted from life. I would write a book, find an agent, publish said book, and have happy happy readers. Life would be good. Then reality set in, writing was easy, editing made me want to kick puppies (disclaimer: no puppies were wounded in the making of this blog, nor would a tiny puppy fall victim to a punt from my foot, this is simply dramatic umph). Editing I found, kept me up late at night, caused me to question my talent, and forced me into a dark dark corner that no writer ever wants to find themselves in.

The corner devoured me about 8 months ago. I stopped writing. Stopped cold turkey and put on blinders to anything involving writing. I occupied my time with crafting, even teaching myself to crochet. With my almost 30 life crisis in full swing I told those close to me, I don’t want to write anymore. They smiled, nodded, and prepared for the Bpocalypse. My talent had dried up, I was useless, a writer in a wordless world. It was all a rather dramatic spiral of insecurities and Negative Nancy ways of thinking. I was a frumpy huffy down and out hot mess. Then I just stopped talking about it all together, stopped thinking about it even for a second, and filled my head with other things.

Then came last night, a simple movie night in appearance, but an eye opening moment at its core. ManFriend still saw it, through all of my life makeup and fancy frilly coverup, deep down inside of my heart… I’m a writer. Scared, nervous, self doubting, high-strung, overly emotional writer. I put pen to paper creating worlds and people that I love as though they walked from the pages. I feel every single period, comma, and quotation. Every details is obsessed over, “Should she wear the purple sundress or the tan jumper?” My world will always have a hole in it, if I’m not writing.

So I stand before you knock knock knocking on 30’s door and I’m scared. I’m terrified. I’m bamboozled. I’m a fiction writer who is going to set out on writing her first book post Writer Meltdown. (I’ve written 5 other fiction books that I’ve been to chicken to pull out of my desk drawer.) I’m not sure where this adventure is going to take me, but I’m feeling more like me today than I did last week. In being reminded of the writer within my bones, I’m ready.

Thanks for sharing in this “Ah hah” moment with me.

As always, until next time.

Keep it Sassy & Classy,

B's Sig

 

 

 

 

12 Days of Christmas Blogging: The Sweet Grinch a Holiday Cocktail

  Another wonderful day for 12 Days of Blogging Christmas addition. Today we are talking, Holiday Sprits. No we aren’t talking about the Ghost of Christmas Past, we’re talking delicious adult beverages. The Holiday Cocktail. My drink is inspired by one of my favorite movies that I enjoy year round, The Grinch. I hope you are ready for something tasty. Let’s go to Whoville ya’all….   Blog Sweet Grinch Header

The Sweet Grinch

What You’ll Need:

  • 1 oz. Smirnoff Vodka (or vodka of choice)
  • 1 oz Midori
  • big ole splash of sweet and sour mix
  • big ole splash of Sprite (I use Diet Sprite)

Put all ingredients into a glass, stir, drink. Poof…. that easy. You can increase the volume, shake the heck out of it in a shaker, and make several of these at one time. You honestly can’t mess this up. You can simply eyeball the measurements. So delicious, your friend will be green with envy. So try this easy to make drink and go get your grinch on. Keep it grinchy everyone.

As always until next time,

Keep it Sassy & Classy,

 
B's Sig

The Grinch That Stole Christmas

Warning….warning….warning… this may or may not be considered a venting tangent soapbox standing type of blog post. Ordinarily I try to post all gumdrops and rainbows, but today this blogger is so on fire she’s a flippin’ inferno.

Deep breath… with that said I would like to tell you a story.

This is a story of an adorable little 6 year old named G Man.

Gman

All holiday season long G Man had looked forward to Christmas shopping for his favorite people. His mommy ….

B and Gman

wanted to take him to mall or big box store to find his gifts to give, but little G Man begged to shop online like the “big kids” do. So being a sucker for big hazel eye and a heart of gold, his mommy said okay and the two settled in for G Man’s first online shopping adventure. The two went to a very popular online retailer where his mommy had placed orders in the past with great success. G man learned how to navigate the website, asked for help spelling the “big” words (hellocaptar, didn’t pull up many items for him), and “all by his own” he chose gifts for his loved ones. Each gift having a special meaning behind it.

A sparkly tiara for Little Miss, “Because mom she’s a princess to me.” (insert a big awwwww here)

A remote control helicopter for ManFriend, “Because he’s always wanted to learn to fly and now I can make that happen for him.” (big heart party of one)

A metal sign about staying to fish awhile for B&B, “Because they like to fish with me and when I’m there I know they really want me there.” (B&B own land with a lake, G Man could spend hours on the lake quietly waiting for a bite)

The order was placed and each day G Man asked his mommy when his gifts would arrive so he could wrap them. His mother encouraged him to take a breath, that his gifts would arrive soon and he could wrap them himself. Another first for this overly excited, full of the Christmas spirit, 6 year old. Unbeknownst to this cheerful duo, all was not well in online-ordering-land. In fact there was an evil Grinch lurking around swiping up little boy’s Christmas gifts. This Grinch was the online retailer….

Without warning the online retailer had “oops” (their words) “lost the package in transit”. Though online records show the gifts never left online-retailer-warehouse-ville .Now this fact alone was upsetting, but it ruffled the mom’s tail feathers that no one from the town of online retailer had bothered to email, call, smoke signal, Harry Potter Owl, or anything else to notify her that the Christmas joy had been nabbed. They simply wanted to shrug their shoulders and offer a $10 voucher towards their next purchase. Clever Grinch, steal a 6  year old’s Christmas and then ask him back again…. I don’t think so.

And that story my friends bring us up to today, when this mommy is one stressed out cookie….. so much so I’ve turned into a cartoon villain. (llamaface… name that movie)

So here I sit, stress blogging and dreading picking up G Man from school at 3pm. He’s going to be devastated. There simply isn’t enough Diet Coke on the planet to salvage this day. My little dude is a softy, he has such a kind heart, and he won’t understand. Plus this lady right here, with the fingers flying across the keyboard, feels like a big fat liar. Why? Because I promised him we could wrap those presents tonight, yup mom of the year right here.

Now I know we can try to go find those gifts in store, but you see, it’s the fact he did this “all by his own”. He felt like a big kid, doing big kid things. I just hate disappointing the little golden heart. Sigh. Well that’s my day, how’s yours?

As always, until next time…

Keep it Sassy & Classy,

B's Sig