Life Lesson Learned From the Pizza Guy

First and probably most importantly, pizza is freaking delicious. Second hamburger and black olives were born to be together and make lots and lots of pizza babies. That is one of the major contributing factors to my jeans fitting a little bit to snugly. Pizza and Mexican food….why couldn’t I have been blessed with a salad obsession. Sigh, anyway moving on….

So last night my favorite 7 year old gal pal and I had a girls night in. With the men folk out doing man folk things we had full control of the remote…. Winning. Since I am mildly phobic of germs and with flu season in full up swing, we opted to take advantage of some much needed couch time. So I ordered pizza and fired up the good ole Netflix machine.

An hour later there is a knock at the door. I answer wearing yoga pants, teal cami, and gray boyfriend sweater. Truth be told, not my hottest moment, but very very comfy. Comfy is my best friend this winter, I will worry about shaved legs and bikini bottoms in 6 months. So for now, bring on wool socks and yoga tights.

(This may be how I imagined the event below unfolding.)

I open the door to an awkward cold looking pizza guy (writers imagination cast Channing Tatum in the role of the pizza guy), his jaw drops to the snowy porch. “Woah you’re gorgeous,” he says reaching out the receipt for me to sign. I smile sign the slip and thank the nice man, pizza and flattery what great service. He replies, “No thank you, you’re smile made my night.” I was both flattered and inspired by my favorite pizza delivery guy ever. Compliments… Where have they gone?

We’ve become a society of judgy faces. “Look at that girl wearing those pants…omg.” “I can’t believe that guys said that.” “Ugh, did you see that, judgy judgy judgy face!” How fun is this? Let me answer for you, it’s not. Judgy face does not a friend make….but compliments can easily make someone’s year. Seriously, think about.

When is the last time you gave someone a compliment? Next question on our compliment quiz, when’s the last time you gave a stranger a compliment? We’ve developed such a critical eye towards ourselves and others, I feel like we are missing the little things in life. It takes about 2 seconds to tell a stranger, “Great shoes.” How about even a simple, “Thanks so much I really appreciate it,” when someone holds the door for you. It’s not hard, it’s rather easy. Say nice things or smile, you never know what kind of day someone else is having.

That brings me to my next point, you never truly know what is going on in the lives of those around you. That crabby lady that you mumbled under your breath about, maybe her dog died. The screaming kid in the grocery cart that forced you to avoid the cereal isle, maybe he has a double ear infection. The cashier who didn’t talk to you during your checkout time, maybe she’s fighting with her father. You never know, so aim to brighten up the day of those around you. Smile, give compliments freely, and try to keep the judgy face to a minimum.

I could easily pass judgment on someone, that takes little to no effort, but compliments take a little courage. Random acts of kindness people, if I can do it being a bit bashful, so can you. Today I encourage you to give one random person you don’t know a compliment. Just one simple, “hey you’re awesome”, sort of comment to a complete stranger. Then carry this mission with you home or when you go out with friends this weekend. Tell those you love how much they mean to you or how great they look. Spread the love and leave your judgy face for another day.

You mission if you choose to except it, spread a little warm and fuzzy this weekend.

As always until next time,

Keep it Sassy & Classy,

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Say What You Need to Say

Hello gorgeous, always fabulous to see you. I had an “Ah Hah” moment over the weekend that I’m super excited (perhaps a little nervous) to share with you. This moment involved putting on my big girl panties, telling the scared little girl inside of me to be quiet for a second, and taking advice from an always wise ManFriend. This weekend I faced a fear over five years in the making.

Let’s get a little back story… Yeah!… Story time…

Over 5 years ago I went through some major life changes. In the matter of about a year life hauled off and sucker punched me right in the kisser. WHAM! I should have seen it coming, but I was too busy blinding myself to see it. It’s really hard to see a big fat knuckle sandwich when you choose to skip along with your eyes closed, fingers in your ears, and a loud “lalalala” coming from your lips. Truth is, that WHAMY, it wasn’t so much life…. It was me. I kicked my world into a spiral of bad decisions and youthful ignorance.

The first step to fixing a problem is first admitting you have a problem. You see, I didn’t acknowledge this fact until I was already flying head first down a slide soaped up with Mr. Bubbles. By the time I’d realized I was hurting myself and those around me… I was alone. I woke up one morning, picked up the phone, and realized I had no one to call. I had successfully isolated myself from everyone with my hurtful behavior and childish actions. To put it bluntly, my life sucked.

The worst of it was losing my best-friend of nearly 20 years. She’d stood by me through the loss of my father, too many bad decision to count, heartbreak, joy… All of it. She was the closest thing to family I had growing up, she and her family were amazing to me. Even she had had enough of me. The ugly person I’d chosen to act like forced to her utter the phrase, “B, my life is better off without you in it.” To say I was crushed, would be the understatement of the century.

A few months passed and I realized I was a total moron. I apologized, but it wasn’t enough. I had hurt people too badly. I vowed at that moment to never ever make those foolish selfish mistakes again. I’m proud to say that though I’m far from perfect, those mistakes, they aren’t even an option for me anymore. On and off through the last 5 years I’d tried to reach out to my former best-friend and received little to no response. Couldn’t blame her, I’d pushed everyone too far.

This past October I sent her a message on Facebook (oh the joys of social media) simply asking how to she was. No response. It hurt, but it wasn’t exactly unexpected. I pushed it out of my mind and focused my thoughts on positive energy. Over this past weekend we were at a museum out of town in a crowded elevator, my mind going a mile a second making sure everyone was accounted for, when a very familiar voice said… “Hello B.” I look up to see the face of that best-friend that I had missed so much for so long. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh, cry, or be angry. My insides were twisted and in an instant the exchange was over.

My mood changed. I was grouchy. I really needed time to be alone and reflect, but family time doesn’t always allow for space. When alone in the car with ManFriend I cried, actual head in my hand ugly face sobbed. ManFriend, drove in silence, smart to let me get it out and when I finally stopped crying he said. “B, this is your choice… But it seems to me that you love her and miss her. Tell her that.”

That’s probably the best piece of advice I’ve received in a long time. ManFriend and I talked for 2 days about me contacting her. Scared, doesn’t cover what I felt at the thought of getting rejected again. It’s hard, so hard, to put yourself out there to possibly get rejected. No one wants to get shot down or hurt…but you never know what will happen until you lay it all out on the line.

My former best-friend and I have since exchanged a few causal Facebook messages and have even become “friends” on Facebook. I’m thankful for even that small step. I’m not sure if we can ever be friends again, but with at least having the door to a friendship unlocked I feel like a little hole in my heart has been filled.

I want to encourage everyone to say what you need to say. Don’t be afraid to get hurt, because no matter the outcome you will learn something. You deserve all the happiness in the world, which you may miss out on if you are too much of a Chicken Little to go out there and get what you want. Do it today: send that email or write that letter. Pick up the phone and make a phone call that is long overdue. Go live your life without fear.

 

 

I’m sure glad that I took a chance…I bet you will be too.

 

As always, until next time….

 

Keep it Sassy & Classy,

B's Sig

10 Signs You Might Be A Control-a-Holic

I would like to come clean right here and now, I am a recovering control-a-holic. I’m not proud of it, but I have spent the better part of my nearly 30 years as a micromanaging control freak.

You know you want one.

Hey you, yes you the one in the shirt reading this post, don’t read it while holding your head like that. You’ll stress your neck bone and get a migraine and not get your stuff done and have to take yucky medicine and and and…..(controlling hyperventilation starting now…)

Often times my controlling dictations began as what I ignorantly called, helpful suggestions. However, if my suggestion went ignored I pushed a little, then a little bit harder, until finally my frustrated head was spinning around spewing green goo. At it’s worst festering point everything I said was one of those unwanted forceful “helpful” (inset major air quotes) suggestions. Imagine my surprise when my family and friends got more than a little sick of it all.

Duh, I know right.

10 Signs You Might Be a Control-a-Holic

1. No one can accomplish any task without you adding your 2 cents, but of course you know exactly how to install a circuit breaker control panel… you saw it on YouTube once.

2. Your children can’t function without you directing them precisely what to do… freedom of thought, what, when did that start? “Mom what do you want me to do?” “Okay, what do you want me to do now?” “And now, now what do you want me to do?”

3. Your husband/boyfriend/manfriend, cringes when you use the word “suggestion” “thought” or the phrase “can I say something?” How could the possibly think they no how to do anything better? You’re only trying to help them get the job done quicker, better, smarter, etc etc.

4. When your gal pal asks for relationship advice you dictate a 25 page monologue, insisting she take notes. Then you email, text, Facebook, Tweet, and smoke signal her hourly to make sure she is following the “Relationship Rules” you outlined for her.

5. You’ve booted Father Time and taken control of all that is scheduling.  4pm- snack time, 4:25pm potty break, 5:00pm movie time (your choice of course), 6pm dinner (you don’t care what it is as long as it’s exactly what you want), 7pm-dinner clean up (plates facing to the left in the dishwasher and the glasses at a perfect diagonal)…..What time is breathing scheduled?

6. If someone helps you out by completing chores/tasks, you follow behind and redo it to your specifications. Heck no we don’t fold socks in this house, by gosh we roll them. “So you’ll roll’em and you’ll like it mister.”

7. People tense when you are around, it’s of course because they respect you. Not so much, that tense up, stand a  tension, is called fear not respect. People tense and walk on egg shells because they don’t want to hear the fallout from displeasing you by drying their hands on the wrong towel.

8. You are quick to point out others mistakes and turn a blind eye to yours. You told them not to frost the holiday cookies like that and now look what happened. See the house exploded because they mopped vertically instead of horizontally, you told them so. Billy cheated, well you told her he was a loser, but did she listen to you, noooo. Sure enough everyone’s lives would be so much easier if they just listened to you in the first place.

9. You wear the sexy panties, therefore you decide when the sheets get some playtime. Your man is left groveling, begging, and getting shot down in the bedroom. Those who wear the panties dictate sexy sexy time, leaving frustrated unhappy men in their wake.

10. You’ve made a store clerk cry.  How dare he think cans and boxes can go in the same bag. It’s not that hard she should know of every single item in the big box store that is one sale. The nerve. Suddenly you see red and all basic kindness goes right out the window, but they should have known better. ( I actually watched this on go down today over a Rainbow Loom, the poor cashier was in tears.)

Bonus: You talk things to death, because if you say it a 12th time in the 4th different way they will really understand. A topic that should take 2 min, “Hey sweetie can you please shut the fridge door when your done.” Turns into, “Lauren what did I tell you, when you leave the fridge door open after getting your juice box the electricity bill goes up and you kill the earth. Do you want to be a murderer little Lauren. Because if you….” (Keep on talking because they aren’t listening.)

If any or all of these sound like you, take a deep breath, we can get through this. Check in next week as I share great ways to tackle the control-o-holic monster. You too can decrease the stress of control and ease the tension of those around you. It’s never to late to turn over a new leaf and enjoy each and every day to the fullest. After all, today is here and now, get out there and live it.

Keep in Sassy & Classy,

B